Golly, thank you ever so much!

Is what you will NEVER hear me say, when I get inundated with unsolicited advice. 

I think most 20 somethings are giving me internet "amen"s right now. (at least I hope so, since I just high-fived my computer screen...somebody met me on that one, right?) 

I mean, I'm the first to admit that most guys and gals in their twenties are complete imbeciles in some (if not all) areas - myself included. 

Unlike a few of my other blogging claims, (I'm not actually sure of Willow Smiths sidewalk chalk skills) I'm not lacking on evidence on this one..Have any of you watched the Jersey Shore for even .6 seconds? 

Those ultra-tanned, leopard-printed, fist-pumping, Mensa candidates are millionaires controlling huge amounts of commerce not to mention broadcast time and media saturation...and with all that 'smushing' going on...one day...they WILL reproduce.

Yeah, I'll give you a minute to let the goosebumps fade and the flow of air to return to your lungs. 

But hey, here's another fun fact - despite the severe idiocy being displayed by our generational peers, some of us are actually trying! 

Yes, I graduated in four years from a real school with a real degree.

No, I didn't major in keg stands. (I'm lame enough that I'm not even sure if that should be 1 or 2 words)

Yes, I have a job. I actually have 3. 

Yes, they all pay. 

No, I don't consider this blog one of them. 

No, I don't carry credit card debt.

Yes, I am paying on all my exorbitant student loans.

And yes, I do have my nose pierced... Let me get you my smelling salts.

Oh and...Yes, kind lady who constantly offers me financial advice whenever she sees me (at one of my 3 JOBS), I am living with my parents by a fiscally responsible choice. NOT because I maxed out my credit cards buying Snuggies.

**shocking pause for dramatic effect**

I realized that by putting facts about my life on the web I would avail myself to certain stupi...valuable pearls of wisdom, but my goodness....

So yes, this blog post turned into a bit of a rant. Oh well. It's actually been rather eye opening to be on the other end of the gossip train. 

Don't get me wrong, I have been known dish some serious dirt with my best friends once in a blue moon (or more often than that if wine and copious amount of Indian food are involved - you know who you are)....Hey, I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but at least I'm honest.

Basically, I've decided that the everyday use of coy, scandalous banter a la Sex and the City is bologna. 

It literally doesn't exist. 

You can't spend your days blabbering about so and so and judging blahdy blah about their life without it coming back to bite you. 

Maybe it's time to start with our own integrity. 

Sorry I was distracted by the epic depth of my own thoughts *sarcastic cackle*...What else was I supposed to write about? 

Oh right...the most reliable thing in my life...Food.

I'm joking, please don't stage an intervention for me...unless I start noshing on pure corn starch or couch cushions like those gems on TLC...

Let me ask you: What's more all around honest and genuine than a roast chicken and vegetable dinner?  It's a solid meal. No corners cut, no ingredients you can't pronounce, nothing to second guess, and a very dead chicken that will NOT be clucking at you...you're getting enough of that...

So let's get down and dirty with this classic and simple recipe....and in keeping with the honesty theme I will disclose that my dearest Dad helped me prepare this feast, thus the lack of photos - but hey, he rocks, so digital kudos to him!

Step One: Preheat oven to 315. Rinse whole (raw) chicken 5-8 lbs in cold water - NO SOAP!.... I hate that I have to say that, but it's for the same reason that my stove came with a warning tag reading "do not insert live animals" ..sad days, America.

Anyways...

Step Two: Remove any innards - don't worry, they should be in paper or plastic bag inside the bird - unless you bought your chicken on the black market. Rub whole bird inside and out with sea salt, black pepper, and rosemary. (Insert a halved lemon into the bird if you're brave)

Step Three: Cut 3-5 sweet potatoes, 6 large carrots, 1 sweet onion. Place in ceramic dish.

Step Four: Crush and chop 6 cloves of garlic. Add to vegetables with salt and olive oil enough to cover all. Cover with foil.

Step Five: Place bird upside down in a ceramic (or glass) baking dish. Cover with foil.

Step Six: Put both dishes in the oven. Bake veggies for 1.5 hours and remove. Bake chicken 1.5 hours or until skin is golden brown and flesh appears solid white inside. 

Step Seven: Allow the chicken to rest 5-10 minutes while you enjoy the drool-worthy scents wafting through your kitchen. EAT.

 

Smell-o-Vision, why do you only exist in cartoons?

 

So...

Sick of Aunt Mabel and Uncle Marvin whispering when you enter a room and following it up by asking if you're ever going to 'settle down'? 

Fed up with your parents' friends somehow knowing the intimate details of your life and interrogating you about it?

Twenty-somethings, let's grow up a little faster, eh? 

You've got a couple options.

1. If you're a capable, bill and tax paying adult who suffers from a steady wave of obnoxious, albeit well-meaning, advice, first of all - I'm sorry. Word to the wise: A well-practiced plastic smile will get through hours of useless chatter... However, maybe it's a good reminder to keep your nose in your own business and not poking through all the potential dirt of those around you. Notice I said potential...You know what they say when you ASSume...I need go no further.

2. If you're a Snooki wannabe who is currently meandering across the globe depleting the world's alcohol supply while simultaneously smearing the reputation of any and all 20-29 year olds...well, maybe you should reconsider your choices and stop giving Aunt Mabel (or perhaps a someone who actually exists) reasons to gossip about your life and corresponding failures. Harsh? Oh well.