Simple Sauce

Full disclosure:


This blog will not give you a recipe to Ed's secret sauce (ie: Good Burger - one of the best Nickelodeon movies ever), beurre blanc, or well....any sauce.


There will be no sauce here....Unless you count whipped cream...


...which I ALWAYS DO.


So yeah, anyways...Let us turn our attention to that first word rather than the fact that I compulsively add the word sauce onto things purely for emphasis.


Simple.


In some regards, I am damn good at simple.


For example, I find complete and utter joy in watching Iron Chef America in bed while playing cards with Husband. (and no, "playing cards" is not code for anything creepy...you guys are weirdos.) I can regularly be found in line at the only my favorite bagel place in Bangor quivering with joy upon ordering a lemonade. (peoplez, i LUVS da lemonadez...srsly) Fresh flowers cut from our family garden bring me to tears. Well, not really....actually not at all. But I do really dig em! (gardening pun?...yikes) I could be completely content with a bowl of coconut pudding with a dollop  smothered in whipped cream.


You get the idea.


However, there are some aspects of this simplicity thing that I just cannot wrap my head around. One of them being people that only have 3  5  10 15 pairs of shoes. I mean, I'm on a budget, but when I find a pair of $7 designer shoes (yes, this does happen in Maine...it just happened yesterday actually...twice) how can you say no?!


Meh...that one I'll never understand and I'm not going to try.
Don't try to convince me...Seriously, I'm dedicated to my shoes....Don't mess with me in the comments section...or I'll bake an effigy cake of you for my next blog. (I probably won't, but that wouldn't be kinda cool?...and sick?...and awesome?)


Wow...ADD today, huh? The day you're writing the "Simplicity" blog, huh Fryer? Figures.


The simple I'm worst at is what I'll dub 'the weekend kind.'
You know.


You finally get home on Friday afternoon. Your work week was "crazy" (like everyone always says theirs was - even if they work reading books to plants in a zen garden). You're tired. Your feet hurt from those $7 designer shoes you just couldn't put down. So what do you do? Relax with a glass of wine out on your deck? Take a long bath and read Vogue? Change into sweats and start a Lord of The Rings marathon with your other nerdy girlfriends? Well, if you do the latter, please invite me. Not only am I an avid nerd and psychotic fan of Tolkien, but chances are I'm not being so wise with my limited leisure time.


You'll probably find me hastily running errands, changing into my gym (here "gym" is a loose term meaning living room Netflix workout or ...sidewalk) clothes at lightning speed, working out, making plans that don't need to be made, organizing my closet, and overall ruining my weekend from the get-go.


Even my weekend "fun" is usually type-A-over-achieving-annoying. I plan things out. If I'm sitting still for more than the length of a Parks and Rec episode, I'm "wasting time". I'm idle. I'm useless! MUST. ACCOMPLISH. ALL. THE. THINGS!!!!


Yeah, I spiral pretty quickly.


So this weekend, I once again had grand plans to get up at 6, be on the road by 7, drive 2 hours to the beach with Husband, come back that night, work out (yeah...right), church Sunday morning, cook, blog, work out, movies, cleaning, make cookies, etc...sickening, I know..


No, I'm not trying to sound cool and superhero-y. My point is, this is a terrible way to live. Scheduled fun? What am I a Hogwarts student getting an advanced permission slip to grab a butter beer with my friends?! (I wish.) But anyhooo (ah! Harry Potter owl pun! they. just. don't. stop.)


For realzy, I'm not good at the relaxation thing. I blame my super-multi-tasking-epic-Jeni-Cat. She is constantly getting the thangs done! Amazing! I'm sure watching her be incredible has influenced me in some way...Also, she's my mom, so I'll just go with the general psychological consensus and blame her like everyone else....


Nah...It's my fault. I fall victim to restless-life-syndrome far too often. Why can't we just be okay with the fact that at this very moment we're all relatively okay? Instead of trying to make your Facebook page a mecca of all things awesome that you apparently do or always answering "how are you?" with "oh my gosh, SO busy, but GREAT!" - just stop it already.


Busy does not = great.


We know you're a phony. We know because, like the saying goes, "it takes one to know one."
Calm it down.


That's what I told myself this weekend. So what did I do off my list? LITERALLY NOTHING.
......except make cookies...obviously


So instead of bringing you some intricate recipe I slaved over - Here is a simple recipe for a simple dessert. A tart.


What's more simple than defaulting to the namesake of this blog for a tasty and easy treat? You won't need to stir for hours. You won't need to shop forever at the grocery store. You won't need to plan this out for days and read through the directions 5 times. You can come home on Friday, throw on your sweats, pour some red wine, and make this with your Honey or your nerdy girlfriends. They'll appreciate it and they'll appreciate you for putting an end to your darn obsessiveness. Simple Sauce.


Sugar Cookie Fruit Tarts


Step One: Combine 2 1/2 cups flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt


Step Two: In a separate bowl, beat 1 cup sugar, 10 tablespoons softened butter (no one said simply meant healthy, folks)


Step Three: Add 1 1/2  teaspoons vanilla and 2 egg whites. And as Michael would say, "Beat it"


Step Four: Slowly add dry mix, beating on low until combined. Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for 1 hour. (Relax, start a movie, play a board game, compose a poem describing your love of sugar cookie dough, whatever....but if you do write an ode to sugar cookie dough, I expect to see it in the comments)


Step Five: Remove dough from fridge. Mold dough into mini tart pans. Simple.

TINY THINGS ARE SO CUTE!!

Step Six: Bake at 350 for about 20-30 minutes depending on how crunchy you like your tart crust. I err on the side of 20.

Try not to eat the dough...or at least don't eat all of it

Step Seven: Remove baked tart shells and fill with your choice of fruit. I chose fresh Maine blueberries (DUH) and strawberries we picked ourselves (DOUBLE DUH). Cover with either ice cream or whipped cream (UH...IS THERE A TRIPLE DUH?) ..or both..

207 where you at!?

Fun Fact: That's homemade ice cream...another day another blog for that one

Mhmm, that's a tart after my own heart.

There you have it, crazy kids. Do away with your lists for a change. Stop attempting to learn Mandarian in your car between appointments. Stop making mandatory, but unwanted playdates for yourself like an over-involved mama. Stop chasing this intangible and unhealthy ideal of all we must do and be. Take your weekend and oh, I don't know...STOP WORKING.


Take a bike ride (or rollerblade if you're one of those ironic types, or a child of the 70s, or Husband who just genuinely loves rollerblading). Write a letter - not a text - to that friend you haven't seen in months. Or give up entirely on your plans to "accomplish" fun and just have it. Have a laugh with a friend. Have a double scoop of ice cream and don't think about working it off. Or....Have a Star Wars marathon with your entire family as you eat a bucket of Sour Patch Watermelon candies.
Worked for me.

EGGcellent!....and other bad breakfast puns

Have you ever seen the show Best Week Ever on VH1? It's pretty ridiculous...It's all like, "Tom Cruise is having the BEST WEEEEK EVERRR!!! Tom grew almost an inch in his custom lifts AND ate a cheeseburger!!!"

Uh.....yay?

Quite frankly, I don't care if Blake Lively got a haircut or Ryan Reynolds bought a shirt....sorry, Ryan.

What I do care about is news of friends' successes and blessings. The beautiful baby boy born to my dearest friends, Neil and Heather; the upcoming wedding of our friend, Tyler and his sweet fiancée; the travels and triumphs of Husband's sisters, Christie and Lisa....that kind of stuff.

I'm also a little selfish and I like having victories. (I'm only human, people!)

So listen, I know we're not the very best of friends yet, but I thought you might want to hear a little about my BEST WEEK EVER!! If not, well, you can just scroll down to the bottom and enjoy my EGGceptional recipe. Har har har! Hey, puns! As promised!

Anyways, during my blogging sabbatical some amazing things happened in the Fryer house. (and yes, by that I still mean my parents' house...woo! Adulthood!)

Okay, here are the top three highlights:

1. I GOT A JOB. Yeah, a REAL job. A big girl job. Like, what I went to school for! Booyah, Sallie Mae - in your face! Who's laughing now?! Oh, yeah my loan bill....but hey, now I can actually start seriously paying it down while doing what I love.

And I do love it. Not just honeymoon phase love it. Truly, deeply, somewhat creepily, love it. I went in for my first day of what was supposed to be an internship and by 4 o'clock, they asked to bring me on fulltime....uhhh....YES, boss lady, Y-E-S please!

Not only are the people fantastic, the caliber of work superb, and the location ideal, but all of them are equally food obsessed. Yeah, could there be a better job for Lily Fryer? Professionally shopping for shoes and eating French fries on the beach? Yes, you're right. Well, if you're the CEO of the company - holler at me.

2. I BOUGHT A CAR. I know, all of you are probably thinking. "uhh, okay Lily. Let me get this straight. You live with your parents, have tons of school debt, are barely a month into a real job and you decided to prioritize buying a car?" Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Though I don't feel the need to get all serious about my finances, Suze Orman (Your masculine, angular haircut, will not wear me down!) I will tell you that we got an insanely good deal AND sharing a car once Husband starts grad school in August would have been beyond impossible.

And let me just clarify, homegirl is not taking the bus. So hurray! Honda Civic EX-L, I love you and your leather interior. (More specifically. I love Geoff, Wendy, and Josh at Darlings Honda in Bangor, Maine!)

3. I GOT FILMED FOR THE TRAVEL CHANNEL. If you're not a foodie, you can skip this part because it probably means nothing to you...also you should probably find another blog to read because you're in the wrong part of town.

So...one of my all time favorite places to eat in Maine is Dysart's. I can't even explain the tastiness. Like if I could marry a Dysart's sticky bun...well, sorry Husband. Also sorry sticky bun, but it would definitely be a black widow marriage and your life would be cut tragically short by my need for sweet, cinnamon deliciousness....so anyyyyyways....awkward.

The show Food Paradise was set to film last week, so inevitably I had to show up. I mean as a former theatre major with a Communications degree and a passion for all things food it would have taken a tornado to keep me away ( unless it was a tornado of sticky buns, of course). Long story short, they filmed me and Jeni-cat for like 20 minutes and the producer told me, and I quote, "Uhh, wow that was perfect. You're a sound bite machine."

Bucket list - I have been to lazy to make you, but consider like three of your items crossed off with this one epic adventure. Look for me on the Food Paradise - Maine episode coming soon! And if you haven't met me in 'real life' don't be disappointed by my weird 5 octave speaking voice....just kidding! Or am I? Well, you'll have to watch and see :)

After coming off this incredible stretch of success in my own life (and the lives of those most excellent people that tolerate me as their friend) I got to thinking about what foods can lead you to your best week ever.

I couldn't come up with anything.

Hey, you couldn't expect me to ride the WIN wave forever, could ya?

But eventually, what I did think of was the best advice any parent, elementary school teacher, or pediatrician ever gave me.

"Grapes go in your mouth, not your nose." Wait, that's not it...eh, good advice nonetheless.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Yeah, that's more like it...

As we all know, a good breakfast is the best way to get the wheels in your brain a-turnin. I'm not talking poptarts, folks. Get your minds out of the over-processed-sugar-packed-gutter. And while cheerios are nice and all, you need something bigger, better, and if I may say so, more EGGciting (2 egg puns!? Genius!).

Start your week out with this breakfast egg scramble and I guarantee (in a non-legally binding, encouragement sort of way) that you'll be on the way to your BEST WEEK EVER! I mean, it'll at least be better than Tom Cruise's. Poor Tom, maybe he should have gone on a Mission Eggspossible....ehhh....

Too far of a reach, huh? ....oh well. 2 outta 3 ain't bad.

Onto the good part....

Spinach, Green Chile Egg Scramble

Step One: Combine 1 1/2 cups frozen spinach - thawed and drained - with 1/2 cup green chiles (don't worry, they are sweeter than hot and you can even buy them canned - i'll allow it) and 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese.

*Frozen vegetables, Lily? We thought you liked healthy food! I do. Frozen vegetables hold their nutrition extraordinarily well...unless they are the side in your Hungry Man dinner. In that case, put the fork DOWN.*

The incredible edible...rocks. Just kidding, eggs.

Mismatched sleeping attire is vital to optimum egg fluffiness

Step Two: Whisk 5 eggs with 1/3 cup milk. The milk makes the eggs much fluffier. Step Three: Heat large shallow pan to Medium-Low. Cover in two tablespoons olive oil. Because you are (or should be) cooking eggs at a low temp, the low smoking point of the olive oil won't be a problem.

Step Four: Pour in egg mixture. Pour spinach mixture on top. Mix gently with a fork until combined in pan.

While taking this picture I almost dumped my new ipad (courtesy of the new job) into the pan - you're welcome.

Step Five: Be patient. Most people cook eggs on higher heat resulting in a dry or rubbery egg. Low heat and less fuss will give you the best result. Resist the urge to poke around or crank up the heat. Yes, your eggs will be done faster, but they will also taste horrid. Flip with a wide spatula every so often until cooked through. The spinach will add more moisture, so don't be too worried if you see extra liquid. It will taste great.

Patience, grasshopper. Resist the urge to crank the heatz.

Worth it. So worth it.

There you go! With a few basic ingredients and some patience, you can be on your way to some of your own amazing things. Take your time. Don't turn the heat up on yourself. You'll be ready when you're ready and not a moment sooner. The wait will be worth it and you'll be better for it. Now get out there and have a week that will exceed your greatest EGGspectations!... Okay, I'm done. I promise.

Delinquent Dinner

First of all, let me apologize for being the classic delinquent blogger. You know them. Theye're all like "welcome to my new blog! I am so excited for you all to join me on this new adventure!...bla bla...excitement..empty promises of interesting writing and topical intrigue...bla...obligatory request for followers and readers..bla blaaa" followed by one really really long post(or in my case 10)....and then...

Silence.

You check in periodically out of kindness/guilt (or on the rare occasion) actual interest...nothing.

You twist your memories into a much more flattering picture. You wonder if all the beautiful promises of Internet adventures were nothing, but a sham. You feel dirty and used.....and then out of nowhere - BOOM! They're back. With nothing, but a lame two line apology about how they're "sorry it's been so long, but life has been sooOoOo crazy lately." They're onto the next post as if you were nothing, but a piece of old chewed gum on the bedpost that they can just forget about for weeks and then pop right back in to keep chewing (or maybe that analogy only applies to that creepy gum chewing chic on willy wonka...oh well, you get the point).

Or, worse, they abandon the first attempt and simply create a whole new blog leaving you feeling like a discarded mistress sent to live in an apartment across town to keep the offender's reputation clean. You know the skeletons in their past. You're a liability and so they've started anew and left you alone in their wake.

Well friends, I respect you too much to give you such a pathetic excuse. I take responsibility for neglecting you and for that I will accept my digital flogging.... aka, leave me an angry comment if the lack of scrumptious recipes and self-depricating humor really sent you into a tizzy. Otherwise, with your permission, I'd like to continue with this little web-based tryst. I think we've got something good going. For all of you still with me after that melodramatic and drawn out intro....here we go!

I'd like to get back in the saddle with a post that I meant to write a few weeks ago. It would have been entitled: Shower the People You Love with Love. For those of you who don't recognize the brilliance of James Taylor (AHEM - BeCcA!) be patient, read this post, and then youtube this song if you haven't had the pleasure of hearing it already. (or if you haven't had the pleasure of stalking James Taylor in your hayday and seeing him sing this and other lovely tunes live about 12+ times....AHEM - Jeni Cat)

Allow me to digress....I've mentioned before that I don't have a lot of family close by and for the most part that's true. As far as blood relatives go, we're spread out from Maine to Rhode Island, to Michigan, to Alabama, to Florida, to California, and a lot of places in between.

We're travelers. No, not in the American gypsy sense. Reunions and family weddings can get pretty rowdy, but you won't find us in hot pink wedding dresses with 50 ft. trains...although I do have some sassy cousins yet to be married, so don't hold me to that.

The point being, if you find yourself living on a culdesac of crazy, loud aunts, uncles, and everyone in between, count yourself lucky. And for those of us trapped with only our immediate crazy, well, sometimes you need to get creative. We started the Lloyd/Fryer family adoption program years ago and since then we've amassed an Avengers caliber, faux family.

There's Deb, able to jumpstart a business or a infuse a party with live wire energy in a way that can only be described as electric. There's Uncle Mike, who can dazzle you with musical knowledge or patiently listen to every detail of your recent surgery with the attentive prowess of the kindest golden retriever. (and yes, I can assure you, he will take that as a compliment). His other half, Kelly, has the sugary sweet voice of Jennifer Tilly mixed with the work ethic of Donald Trump....and that's just naming a few of the many aunts, uncles, sisters, and brothers that we've invited into our little circle of love.

So what do you do once you've sucked all the awesome people in your vicinity into your vortex of "healthy" family obsession? Well, if you've caught on to the theme of my life...you invite them to dinner! Not just any ol' dinner.

Family dinner.

When you become blessed enough to be surrounded by barely-mortal-superhumans, you don't just make any dinner. You make a dish that will impress, wow, and flatter those you made it for. To show your love, you're willing to sweat under a cumbersome (and somewhat useless) apron, fumble to reach your measuring cups over a pot of bubbling fire water, and even cry into a simmering pot....(we Italians always salt the water, you know). Why do we go through it all? The second degree burns from the stupid hole in the pot holder, the pruny fingers soaked in raw egg, the sobbing over a board of chopped onions hoping to God you don't cut a digit off...(yes, all of these have happened, but luckily not at family dinner)... 

Because we love. And if you've got a family like mine - you love hard. And it's worth every second.

So what to make? Well....If you've watched a single episode of Hell's Kitchen, you know that the bane of even the most accomplished chef's existence is often summed up in one word.... 

Risotto. 

A dish that requires delicate toasting of the rice, unsure measurements, and endless stirring; risotto is not for the faint of heart. (ie: if you struggle with the directions on the back of Easy Mac, you should probably sit this one out)

*DISCLAIMER* This recipe involves A LOT of stirring...thus no action shots. Wahh... I know. But I solemnly swear to upload the few sloppy dinner shots I mustered up, but for now let me walk you through this recipe so you can have some pity on me putting this all together by my lonesome...

Step one. Steam 20 stalks of asparagus. Cut into bite-size pieces. Set aside. Grate 1 cup of asiago cheese - set aside.

Step two. Chop 2 pounds of Portobello mushrooms into small cubes. Place 2 tablespoons of butter into a saucepan over medium heat. Add mushrooms. Cook through. Turn off heat.

Step three. Place 3 cups of arborrio rice in a separate large saucepan over medium-high heat. Toast rice lightly - about 3 minutes.

Step four. This is where the measurements get dicey. You'll need almost double the amount of liquid to rice. I like to use a mix of vegetable broth and half-and-half. You'll add half a cup of each liquid alternating between the two - stir continuously. Do. Not. Stop. Stirring! (I told you - this recipe is not for the weak.) Continue this process until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is al dente.

Step five. Fold in Portobello mushrooms, steamed asparagus, and the asiago cheese.

Step six. Mop the sweat from your brow, allow the feeling to return to your wrist and forearm, and bring this incredible dish to the table with a smile. Watch your remarkably impressive family be impressed by you.

There they are. As promised - My Avengers.

You might not be blessed with family. You're dinner table may consist of you and Mr. Mittens the tabby cat. You may be just as far from blood relatives as I am. But let me assure you - blood may be thicker than water, but nothing is thicker than a good risotto. In the words of the great James Taylor, "Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel."