Delinquent Dinner

First of all, let me apologize for being the classic delinquent blogger. You know them. Theye're all like "welcome to my new blog! I am so excited for you all to join me on this new adventure!...bla bla...excitement..empty promises of interesting writing and topical intrigue...bla...obligatory request for followers and readers..bla blaaa" followed by one really really long post(or in my case 10)....and then...

Silence.

You check in periodically out of kindness/guilt (or on the rare occasion) actual interest...nothing.

You twist your memories into a much more flattering picture. You wonder if all the beautiful promises of Internet adventures were nothing, but a sham. You feel dirty and used.....and then out of nowhere - BOOM! They're back. With nothing, but a lame two line apology about how they're "sorry it's been so long, but life has been sooOoOo crazy lately." They're onto the next post as if you were nothing, but a piece of old chewed gum on the bedpost that they can just forget about for weeks and then pop right back in to keep chewing (or maybe that analogy only applies to that creepy gum chewing chic on willy wonka...oh well, you get the point).

Or, worse, they abandon the first attempt and simply create a whole new blog leaving you feeling like a discarded mistress sent to live in an apartment across town to keep the offender's reputation clean. You know the skeletons in their past. You're a liability and so they've started anew and left you alone in their wake.

Well friends, I respect you too much to give you such a pathetic excuse. I take responsibility for neglecting you and for that I will accept my digital flogging.... aka, leave me an angry comment if the lack of scrumptious recipes and self-depricating humor really sent you into a tizzy. Otherwise, with your permission, I'd like to continue with this little web-based tryst. I think we've got something good going. For all of you still with me after that melodramatic and drawn out intro....here we go!

I'd like to get back in the saddle with a post that I meant to write a few weeks ago. It would have been entitled: Shower the People You Love with Love. For those of you who don't recognize the brilliance of James Taylor (AHEM - BeCcA!) be patient, read this post, and then youtube this song if you haven't had the pleasure of hearing it already. (or if you haven't had the pleasure of stalking James Taylor in your hayday and seeing him sing this and other lovely tunes live about 12+ times....AHEM - Jeni Cat)

Allow me to digress....I've mentioned before that I don't have a lot of family close by and for the most part that's true. As far as blood relatives go, we're spread out from Maine to Rhode Island, to Michigan, to Alabama, to Florida, to California, and a lot of places in between.

We're travelers. No, not in the American gypsy sense. Reunions and family weddings can get pretty rowdy, but you won't find us in hot pink wedding dresses with 50 ft. trains...although I do have some sassy cousins yet to be married, so don't hold me to that.

The point being, if you find yourself living on a culdesac of crazy, loud aunts, uncles, and everyone in between, count yourself lucky. And for those of us trapped with only our immediate crazy, well, sometimes you need to get creative. We started the Lloyd/Fryer family adoption program years ago and since then we've amassed an Avengers caliber, faux family.

There's Deb, able to jumpstart a business or a infuse a party with live wire energy in a way that can only be described as electric. There's Uncle Mike, who can dazzle you with musical knowledge or patiently listen to every detail of your recent surgery with the attentive prowess of the kindest golden retriever. (and yes, I can assure you, he will take that as a compliment). His other half, Kelly, has the sugary sweet voice of Jennifer Tilly mixed with the work ethic of Donald Trump....and that's just naming a few of the many aunts, uncles, sisters, and brothers that we've invited into our little circle of love.

So what do you do once you've sucked all the awesome people in your vicinity into your vortex of "healthy" family obsession? Well, if you've caught on to the theme of my life...you invite them to dinner! Not just any ol' dinner.

Family dinner.

When you become blessed enough to be surrounded by barely-mortal-superhumans, you don't just make any dinner. You make a dish that will impress, wow, and flatter those you made it for. To show your love, you're willing to sweat under a cumbersome (and somewhat useless) apron, fumble to reach your measuring cups over a pot of bubbling fire water, and even cry into a simmering pot....(we Italians always salt the water, you know). Why do we go through it all? The second degree burns from the stupid hole in the pot holder, the pruny fingers soaked in raw egg, the sobbing over a board of chopped onions hoping to God you don't cut a digit off...(yes, all of these have happened, but luckily not at family dinner)... 

Because we love. And if you've got a family like mine - you love hard. And it's worth every second.

So what to make? Well....If you've watched a single episode of Hell's Kitchen, you know that the bane of even the most accomplished chef's existence is often summed up in one word.... 

Risotto. 

A dish that requires delicate toasting of the rice, unsure measurements, and endless stirring; risotto is not for the faint of heart. (ie: if you struggle with the directions on the back of Easy Mac, you should probably sit this one out)

*DISCLAIMER* This recipe involves A LOT of stirring...thus no action shots. Wahh... I know. But I solemnly swear to upload the few sloppy dinner shots I mustered up, but for now let me walk you through this recipe so you can have some pity on me putting this all together by my lonesome...

Step one. Steam 20 stalks of asparagus. Cut into bite-size pieces. Set aside. Grate 1 cup of asiago cheese - set aside.

Step two. Chop 2 pounds of Portobello mushrooms into small cubes. Place 2 tablespoons of butter into a saucepan over medium heat. Add mushrooms. Cook through. Turn off heat.

Step three. Place 3 cups of arborrio rice in a separate large saucepan over medium-high heat. Toast rice lightly - about 3 minutes.

Step four. This is where the measurements get dicey. You'll need almost double the amount of liquid to rice. I like to use a mix of vegetable broth and half-and-half. You'll add half a cup of each liquid alternating between the two - stir continuously. Do. Not. Stop. Stirring! (I told you - this recipe is not for the weak.) Continue this process until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is al dente.

Step five. Fold in Portobello mushrooms, steamed asparagus, and the asiago cheese.

Step six. Mop the sweat from your brow, allow the feeling to return to your wrist and forearm, and bring this incredible dish to the table with a smile. Watch your remarkably impressive family be impressed by you.

There they are. As promised - My Avengers.

You might not be blessed with family. You're dinner table may consist of you and Mr. Mittens the tabby cat. You may be just as far from blood relatives as I am. But let me assure you - blood may be thicker than water, but nothing is thicker than a good risotto. In the words of the great James Taylor, "Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel."