Humble Pie

Oh hi! 

Remember me? 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, PARTY PEOPLE! 

ROSES ARE RED.
APPLES ARE TOO.
WELL, ONLY SOMETIMES.
THIS POEM FAILED.

Did that distract you from the fact that I haven't posted here in a million years? 

Yeah, let’s not delve into the vast pit of my inexcusable delinquency. My new year’s resolution was to dust off the cobwebs and write to you beautiful people, so here I am! Better late then never...right? 

On second thought, don’t answer that.

So I’ve made some empty promises to a few of you. I’ve sworn to post in December in the spirit of Christmas. I’ve taunted you with promises of delicious recipes. It’s now February, so I can’t blame you for reading this with spite. Go ahead - close your browser  as many times as you need to...

Are you back? That feels better, right? Okay. Good.

Let’s move on from this lover’s quarrel, shall we?

So a lot has happened since the last time we ‘spoke’. I’ve gotten a promotion of sorts, the alignment on our car got destroyed, $600 later our car’s alignment got fixed, I’ve contracted and subsequently rid myself of baby fever, Husband got his grades back from the throws of Physics PhD insanity..and he nailed it, the post office will not be delivering mail on Saturdays anymore, a snow storm named after a fish decimated us with 2749827 inches of frozen terror (otherwise known as winter)...AND.....drumroll please........

WE GOT AN APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!! EXCLAMATION POINT PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one more for good measure.. !

STAY CALM. This is not a drill, people. The Fryers will be moving out of my childhood bedroom. 

You know the scene in Harry Potter when he rides on a Hippogriff? 

If you answered “yes” - that is precisely how I feel! “WOOOOOOOOO!”

If you answered “no” - we aren’t friends anymore...just kidding...but seriously, get with it. 

So yeah, to sum it up - we feel awesome. 

We move on Saturday and luckily for us - all our stuff is still in boxes! BOOM. That’s what happens when your life resides in a storage unit. The downside is, I have no idea what the hell I own. Honestly. I recently asked Husband, “Do we have dishes?” He was not impressed with the fact that I had apparently blocked out the entire first chapter of our marriage throughout which we ate on our own dishes...oops.

Anyyywayys...

During this hiatus, I’ve also experienced some less than stellar things...mostly of my own doing (what a shock). Without digging deep into the embarrassing details of my failings, suffice it to say that I’ve put my foot in my mouth more times than I care to admit. 

Somehow I feel like you’re giving me the deadpan “no kidding” face....

You are aren’t you? 

Yeah, well, I suppose no one who has known me for more than 5 minutes (the equivalent of 1 paragraph of blog reading) would be surprised by that admission. 

It’s strange being 20-something. 

On one hand, I’m all like...

“Yeah! I’m adult! Look at my student loans being all NOT delinquent and stuff! I wear hosery to work and make my own dentist appointments! I know what my credit score is!”

and then on the other hand, I’m like...

“Wah! I don’t know how to network without reverting to awkward laughter! I’m as good at filing taxes as I am at alchemy! What do you mean my selfishness and/or thoughtlessness is offending you?!”

If I’ve learned one thing through this past season of my life, it’s that I am not quite “there” yet. I mean, yes, I pay my own bills. I can vote. I can get into bars and rated R movies without a fake ID...but in a lot of ways I am still a gangly, loud-mouthed child. I do a lot of things that make zero sense. (How much sense, Fryer? This much.. 0) I speak without thinking. I laugh at things that are more cruel than funny. I sometimes revel in the failings of others to boost my own moral. I take too long to apologize....the list goes on.

And if you think I’m just doing that self-deprecating blogger thing again - just ask Husband. 

This ain’t no lie....“bye bye bye!”...yup. That just happened.

See!? 

I couldn’t resist...I’m a child

The point is - even though I’m taking yet another big step into the world of grown-up life, I still have a lot to learn. After carelessly wounding a friend recently, I told her the name of this future blog post would be in her honor. However, through the long weeks it’s taken me to write it I have inevitably hurt many others. I’m not Vlad the Impaler or anything (Google him), but I am sharp tongued. So this post is dedicated to all you lovelies who I’ve treated less than such. It’s also dedicated to my future self. I’m sorry for giving you so many unpleasant, reflective memories of yourself, Lil.

So in keeping with today’s theme, I give you an ode to my heritage as a firey Italian (Irish, French & Native American) girl... Humble Pie. 

Or in this case, Humble Italian pie - the cousin of the famed pizza pie - Lasagna. (Yes, I hear you rejoicing that this is not another dessert....now, pipe down)

Step One: Get a huge a$$ bowl. (Did you guys like that stealthy and mature censorship?)

Step Two: Mix 2 rounded tablespoons minced garlic, 1/4 teaspoon of salt, 1/8 teaspoon black pepper, 1 - 2 eggs with 3 cups (or 4 if you really dig cheesy filling) cups cottage cheese (use 1 egg for full fat cottage and cheese and 2 eggs for low fat). Season with Italian spice as you wish.

Appetizing.

Step Three: Thaw a bag of frozen organic broccoli or two bags of frozen organic spinach (yes, I am snooty enough to write organic twice) and chop em' up. Fold into cheese mixture.

Step Four: Spread some homemade marinara that has simmered for at least 4 hours onthe bottom of your stone or glass baking dish. ( jk friendz. You can absolutely use pasta sauce from a jar and I won't judge you...since that may or may not be what you see pictured below.)

Go ahead, judge me. 

Step Five: LAYER DAT LIKE A BOSS. Non-boil lasagna noodle, filling, tomato sauce, noodles, filling, tomato sauce, noodles, filling....you get by now, yes?

Layer # 1

Layer # 3784...or 6...whatevs

Step Six: Add some gratuitous cheese. 

Extra cheese: Not for the faint of heart.. or the lactose intolerant.

Step Seven: Cover that sucker with an aluminum foil tent, so your lovely layers can read ghost stories and stay up late...or just bake more efficiently.

Careful not to touch the foil to the cheese or you'll lose all that glorious dairy!

Step Eight: Bake for 50 minutes. Remove Foil. Bake for 15 more....waft the tastiness in the general direction of your nose holes...ew that didn't work out...nostrils. Let's call them nostrils.

There you have it. A humble pie. Simple ingredients. Easy preparation. 

Though, admittedly, coming to terms with flaws and interpersonal failings is not simple nor easy. Like this, and arguably any culinary conquest, the steps in that process are necessary and more than worthwhile. 

When it’s time to eat humble pie: pick yourself up, put on your big girl (or boy) pants (note: leggings are not pants, ladies), apologize, and grow. 

Remember that ‘bloom where you’re planted’ post? Well, this is the weeding part. Don’t use your growth to silently choke the beautiful gardenia next to you. Don’t cast a shadow on the blade of grass just poking through the dirt. Take all those toxic parts of yourself by the root and rip them up. It’ll be painful, but it’s worth it. 

EGGcellent!....and other bad breakfast puns

Have you ever seen the show Best Week Ever on VH1? It's pretty ridiculous...It's all like, "Tom Cruise is having the BEST WEEEEK EVERRR!!! Tom grew almost an inch in his custom lifts AND ate a cheeseburger!!!"

Uh.....yay?

Quite frankly, I don't care if Blake Lively got a haircut or Ryan Reynolds bought a shirt....sorry, Ryan.

What I do care about is news of friends' successes and blessings. The beautiful baby boy born to my dearest friends, Neil and Heather; the upcoming wedding of our friend, Tyler and his sweet fiancée; the travels and triumphs of Husband's sisters, Christie and Lisa....that kind of stuff.

I'm also a little selfish and I like having victories. (I'm only human, people!)

So listen, I know we're not the very best of friends yet, but I thought you might want to hear a little about my BEST WEEK EVER!! If not, well, you can just scroll down to the bottom and enjoy my EGGceptional recipe. Har har har! Hey, puns! As promised!

Anyways, during my blogging sabbatical some amazing things happened in the Fryer house. (and yes, by that I still mean my parents' house...woo! Adulthood!)

Okay, here are the top three highlights:

1. I GOT A JOB. Yeah, a REAL job. A big girl job. Like, what I went to school for! Booyah, Sallie Mae - in your face! Who's laughing now?! Oh, yeah my loan bill....but hey, now I can actually start seriously paying it down while doing what I love.

And I do love it. Not just honeymoon phase love it. Truly, deeply, somewhat creepily, love it. I went in for my first day of what was supposed to be an internship and by 4 o'clock, they asked to bring me on fulltime....uhhh....YES, boss lady, Y-E-S please!

Not only are the people fantastic, the caliber of work superb, and the location ideal, but all of them are equally food obsessed. Yeah, could there be a better job for Lily Fryer? Professionally shopping for shoes and eating French fries on the beach? Yes, you're right. Well, if you're the CEO of the company - holler at me.

2. I BOUGHT A CAR. I know, all of you are probably thinking. "uhh, okay Lily. Let me get this straight. You live with your parents, have tons of school debt, are barely a month into a real job and you decided to prioritize buying a car?" Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Though I don't feel the need to get all serious about my finances, Suze Orman (Your masculine, angular haircut, will not wear me down!) I will tell you that we got an insanely good deal AND sharing a car once Husband starts grad school in August would have been beyond impossible.

And let me just clarify, homegirl is not taking the bus. So hurray! Honda Civic EX-L, I love you and your leather interior. (More specifically. I love Geoff, Wendy, and Josh at Darlings Honda in Bangor, Maine!)

3. I GOT FILMED FOR THE TRAVEL CHANNEL. If you're not a foodie, you can skip this part because it probably means nothing to you...also you should probably find another blog to read because you're in the wrong part of town.

So...one of my all time favorite places to eat in Maine is Dysart's. I can't even explain the tastiness. Like if I could marry a Dysart's sticky bun...well, sorry Husband. Also sorry sticky bun, but it would definitely be a black widow marriage and your life would be cut tragically short by my need for sweet, cinnamon deliciousness....so anyyyyyways....awkward.

The show Food Paradise was set to film last week, so inevitably I had to show up. I mean as a former theatre major with a Communications degree and a passion for all things food it would have taken a tornado to keep me away ( unless it was a tornado of sticky buns, of course). Long story short, they filmed me and Jeni-cat for like 20 minutes and the producer told me, and I quote, "Uhh, wow that was perfect. You're a sound bite machine."

Bucket list - I have been to lazy to make you, but consider like three of your items crossed off with this one epic adventure. Look for me on the Food Paradise - Maine episode coming soon! And if you haven't met me in 'real life' don't be disappointed by my weird 5 octave speaking voice....just kidding! Or am I? Well, you'll have to watch and see :)

After coming off this incredible stretch of success in my own life (and the lives of those most excellent people that tolerate me as their friend) I got to thinking about what foods can lead you to your best week ever.

I couldn't come up with anything.

Hey, you couldn't expect me to ride the WIN wave forever, could ya?

But eventually, what I did think of was the best advice any parent, elementary school teacher, or pediatrician ever gave me.

"Grapes go in your mouth, not your nose." Wait, that's not it...eh, good advice nonetheless.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." Yeah, that's more like it...

As we all know, a good breakfast is the best way to get the wheels in your brain a-turnin. I'm not talking poptarts, folks. Get your minds out of the over-processed-sugar-packed-gutter. And while cheerios are nice and all, you need something bigger, better, and if I may say so, more EGGciting (2 egg puns!? Genius!).

Start your week out with this breakfast egg scramble and I guarantee (in a non-legally binding, encouragement sort of way) that you'll be on the way to your BEST WEEK EVER! I mean, it'll at least be better than Tom Cruise's. Poor Tom, maybe he should have gone on a Mission Eggspossible....ehhh....

Too far of a reach, huh? ....oh well. 2 outta 3 ain't bad.

Onto the good part....

Spinach, Green Chile Egg Scramble

Step One: Combine 1 1/2 cups frozen spinach - thawed and drained - with 1/2 cup green chiles (don't worry, they are sweeter than hot and you can even buy them canned - i'll allow it) and 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese.

*Frozen vegetables, Lily? We thought you liked healthy food! I do. Frozen vegetables hold their nutrition extraordinarily well...unless they are the side in your Hungry Man dinner. In that case, put the fork DOWN.*

The incredible edible...rocks. Just kidding, eggs.

Mismatched sleeping attire is vital to optimum egg fluffiness

Step Two: Whisk 5 eggs with 1/3 cup milk. The milk makes the eggs much fluffier. Step Three: Heat large shallow pan to Medium-Low. Cover in two tablespoons olive oil. Because you are (or should be) cooking eggs at a low temp, the low smoking point of the olive oil won't be a problem.

Step Four: Pour in egg mixture. Pour spinach mixture on top. Mix gently with a fork until combined in pan.

While taking this picture I almost dumped my new ipad (courtesy of the new job) into the pan - you're welcome.

Step Five: Be patient. Most people cook eggs on higher heat resulting in a dry or rubbery egg. Low heat and less fuss will give you the best result. Resist the urge to poke around or crank up the heat. Yes, your eggs will be done faster, but they will also taste horrid. Flip with a wide spatula every so often until cooked through. The spinach will add more moisture, so don't be too worried if you see extra liquid. It will taste great.

Patience, grasshopper. Resist the urge to crank the heatz.

Worth it. So worth it.

There you go! With a few basic ingredients and some patience, you can be on your way to some of your own amazing things. Take your time. Don't turn the heat up on yourself. You'll be ready when you're ready and not a moment sooner. The wait will be worth it and you'll be better for it. Now get out there and have a week that will exceed your greatest EGGspectations!... Okay, I'm done. I promise.